Don't Hold it in Ladies

I had to post this because like many other women, I hold in how I'm feeling about a situation until its too late and the tears start to fall. But a study called "Marital Status, Marital Strain, and Risk of Coronary Heart Disease or Total Mortality: The Framingham Offspring Study," shows that tears might be the least of women's worries.

The study, performed over ten years, showed that women who kept quiet during disagreements with their husbands are four times as likely to die before women who show feelings while fighting.

Questions asked in the survey included, "When you have a conflict with your spouse, do you always show it, usually show it, or usually/always keep it to yourself?"

Women who keep quiet, called self-silencers, have been connected to a series of health problems that lead to death.

Dr. Alisha Ali, a professor in New York University's Department of Applied Psychology, has been researching the problems associated with self-silencing.

"We are finding that women who self-silence have an increased likelihood of experiencing problems like depression and eating disorders, as well as physical ailments," Ali says. "There seems to be considerable stress associated with the silencing of one's own voice and feelings, and this stress can literally make women sick."

"It can lead women to place less value on their own thoughts, feelings and opinions," she adds. "This can diminish a woman's sense of self, eventually leading to physical and mental health problems."

According to Dr. Dana C. Jack, a psychologist, heart disease and irritable bowel syndrome is also associated with self-silencing.

Jack believes women often silence themselves because fear their relationship will end, they'll hurt their spouse, or they'll be humiliated. She suggests that ladies who think they self-silence should experiment with stating their feelings and thoughts in a calm, clear and problem-solving way. It's also helpful to practice in relationships that don't hold as much emotional power as their intimate ones.

If you think you're a self-silencer here is a mini test.

COULD YOU BE A SELF-SILENCER?

Dr. Dana C. Jack devised this questionnaire to help women identify whether they might be putting their health at risk by stifling their their opinions. If you circle choice "C" most frequently, you may want to try letting your voice be heard.

1. Do you keep quiet in arguments? a. never b. sometimes c. always

2. Do you always speak your mind? a. always b. sometimes c. never

3. Would you rather please your partner than yourself? a. never b. sometimes c. always

4. Do you see yourself through your partner's eyes more than through your own eyes? a. never b. sometimes c. always

5. Do you tend to act happy on the outside but feel angry on the inside? a. never b. sometimes c. always